'LOVE, SEX and DHOKHA" : A nation of Voyeurism

{DISCLAIMER : Author believes most of you have grown up in last few months to a certain level and will now have some broader sense of the world around you.}


Tell me honestly how many of you had guessed that there will be a post with this title on my blog???. People you must be thinking if I am going to write about "LOVE, SEX and DHOKHA" and I know it was never a matter of "IF" I am going to write about it. It was "WHEN" I am going to write about it. A mean a guy like me(you can stop smiling now) will not miss on a chance like this. With all my heart I had wanted to prove you all wrong this time by not writing about it. About the deadly trilogy of Love and sex and dokha. No, really I wanted to prove you all wrong. And it has been two weeks since this movie got released, watched, criticized, reviewed, re-reviewed by who-ever-who is really into movies or do not have a cellphone capable of playing mms-es(can anybody tell me the plural for MMS??) in 3gp format. Or if they have a cell-phone with this function they do not have right opportunities to indulge in this kind'ov entertainment.[Sigh]








I am not gonna bore you by ranting on like its another movie review and I vow not to take out the frustration on you. The frustration of spending 150 bucks on a movie, a movie which by the way had less sex than an average bollywood flick starring Mallika Sherawat[Honestly, they should have named it "DHOKHA" only]




To cut short on a long story let me tell you what this movie is about. The concept is known as VOYEURISM. The Dictionary meaning of the word is given below :



Voyeurism
voy·eur (voi-yûr)
n.
1. A person who derives sexual gratification from observing the naked bodies or sexual acts of others, especially from a secret vantage point.
2. An obsessive observer of sordid or sensational subjects.



Most of us can do the mistake of confusing PORN with VOYEURISM. But the main difference between the two is while in PORN the people involved have the exact idea of them being filmed by a camera, in VOYEURISM they don't. [Its like confusing Rajnikant with Mithun]




Earlier, I mean before the advent of cellphones and than later on with the addition of so called mega-pixels, this concept of voyeurism existed in a very simple form which even if not all of you but many of you know by the term : WINDOW-WATCHING.



For the benefit of those who do not know what window watching is, let me explain. A testosterone-driven-male who happens to chance upon some girl's affection will invite his friends to watch him go down with her, without her knowledge. This was done just to prove that he is ACTUALLY going around with that girl, and, and that he is capable of doing what he say he can.




[Note : Watching Surj### while he brushes his teeth in the washroom does not count as window-watching]






And so my dear friends, this little tool that we carry in our pockets[I am talking about the cell phone here] is the reason for taking something which was once a local thing to the level of an international brand[latest being Katrina Kaif's sister Isabella].




"MMS"



Now I am sure that all of you, like me, have watched almost all the MMS-es(see?? I really need the plural here.) that are doing the rounds from so many years(I was in 11th std when 'DPS Kaand' became public news) and I am not sure what you have done with them but here I would like to have a talk with the ladies.



What have you done about it????


hmmmmm.............



hmmmmm........


hmmmmmm.......



Exactly!!!! NOTHING.




So, again I rephrase the question and ask this : What CAN you do??



See, I have a point here that I want to make. The whole point why these mms(AAAAHHHH the plural. Guys do with the singular term here and think its plural) work is based on one simple fact. Its shows a girl and the face of the the guy is almost always not shown.

Now think logicaly. WHY??. Why do these guys do not show their faces while making those MMS[I have given up. I really wanted to use a plural here]. You know why??. Because realise this. In this world a guy stands to loose as much as you, if his face comes in that mms!!!



So here are some pointers which I think you can use


1] When you are going around with a guy, take his pictures while he is doing something like brushing his teeth, taking bath. Without his knowledge off course. You'll be amazed to see how playful guys can become in the lonliness of their washrooms. You make a video and release it on youtube.



2] Make a profile of him on Orkut, with all these photos, declare him a homosexual who is looking for others of his kind. Don't forget to mention his current phone number with a little discription in 'About me' that might go like : I like riding wild horses[Wink, Wink]


3] You can distribute his number among your friends and start making him run from one place to another. At first he won't mind but even a dog chases the car upto a certain point and then gives up.


This might not change anything at first but if you take an initiative, start collecting those emberrasing moments of guys on your cellphones, start releasing them on youtube, it might, it just might scare millions of other budding directors and actors who are sporting a cell phone and taking your girl out for dinner.




To the most important part :

You all must be wondering why I have put the photos of Namtiha(she is a south indian actress). Well to display a simple fact that 99% guys read this post just to find exactly what I have written about this girl and 100% girls read it to find out what I have written about this girl!!!!

And for the samples of what I am talking about, I am adding two more pics below. I am not sure how many guys out there can afford their video on the you tube while they are taking a bath, but it must have got you thinking ................right???

"BOO_S : Story of A Blank space"

Have you ever allowed your imagination to run wild?. No?. Well, I have. And to a certain extent I feel that's the only way for me to keep my own insanity intact in this insane world around me. And to tell you the truth I have worked really hard over the years to keep my insanity safe. I have invested hundreds of days thinking futile thoughts taking thousands of weeks forming perceptions based on millions of moments of experience. An when you'll read this line again you'll know that I have succeeded. A person who crashed his plane and died a few weeks ago wrote in his last letter - The defination of insanity is repeating the same action over and over and expecting the outcome to suddenly be different. Is it equally true if I say that the defination of insanity is performing different actions and expecting the outcome to always be same!!.

[OK...guess aaj ke liye funda jyada ho gaya. The above paragraph is written only to prove that if needed, the author can dish out serious thoughts and sometimes fool people into thinking that the author also thinks...sometimes(lol)]

I will tell you about the tittle but first I would like you all to go through a little exercise given below. The basis of this "Exericise" is a SMS that was sent to me by a friend. You might have also recieved the same SMS and even if you have and you know the answers, you can still read the below post.

First the exercise. Please fill in the BLANKS given below :

1)BOO_S
2)_ _ NDOM
3)F_ _ K
4)P_N_S
5)PU_S_
6)S_X

SO?

I am sure you came up with all 'THE' words without even realising that you are coming up with them. I know this happens but what I am interested in is this : WHY??

-Why did you thought BOO_S is what you thought they are and NOT BOOKS?

One version of answer given by Y###f, a dear friend was this. When I asked him why he thought of what he thought of and not books, he replied, "Well you will think of what you think of all the time at that time and for me that is definately NOT books". Had it been books he would not have been with me to give this absurd answer. Anyways, I am sure that all of us will come up with a answer like his. This is a very interesting thing to ponder over

I am sure almost all of you thought the Blog tittle is "BOOBS" and none of you, I can bet you that, thought it to be "BOOKS". I agree that people who know me, their thinking like this makes sense. But what about when you had recieved the SMS or when you had earlier read the list. And its really not about knowing beforehand that after you scroll down to find the answers they would look like this :

1)BOOKS
2)RANDOM
3)FORK
4)PANTS
5)PULSE
6)SIX

No, I know given some thought, we all would have filled up the blanks with these words like books, random etc etc but what about instinctively thinking about boo*s, condoms, fu*k etc etc.

Before going on further on this one, I would like to know about your thoughts.

Why do you think we instinctively think about these words first??

"AAJ Mere Yaar KI SHAADI hai"

(The following post is the middle installment for "Fahul Mahajan Ke Funde" and "Kya Fahul Maa Ban Payega". And the story continues......)

Sorry couldn't write in last few days. Actually I was in Mumbai and because I know you guys are intelligent enough you all might have guessed it already. I was there to attend the biggest event of this millennium. Fahul Kahajan ki Shaadi. A detailed description is below :


Although I cannot afford a ticket even in a blue-line bus(I am a strong believer in the universal war-cry – STAFF HAI). But the grandness of the this occasion demanded that I should go via a plane. That is exactly what I did. When I landed at the Chattarpati Shivaji Stadium, I could feel the excitement in the air. As soon as I de-boarded the bus a crow relieved his entire breakfast on my shoulder. He then croaked “Marathi Manoos, Marathi manoos” with his head high. I consoled myself thinking that when Raj Thackrey can sh*t on millions of Indians in one go, why can't this crow do that with me. So getting pass that little detour, I managed to somehow get a taxi and reach the venue for the occasion.

On the entry gate itself there was a pic of both the bride and the bride-broom.

The whole shbang of people attending the marriage was amazing. I saw such a diverse crowd for the first time in my life. You all know that I like to try my hands on photography, so I took the liberty of clicking some pics myself. You might still remember the last time "Hum-Tum-Beech-Ke" wrote a sweet letter to Fahul. Well he\she decided to come attend his marriage.

Then I tried to focus on the stage where Fahul and Fimpy were seated. I couldn't resist taking a shot. You can see how well I have captured the scene on the stage. Its the clarity of my shot that even captured the thought bubbles.

When I was standing there taking pics, I just remembered when Fahul had said to Fimpy on the show itself

"In the audition tape you said that you fell in love with me when you were five years old. Sixteen years after your wait is over".

and I couldn't stop imagining Fimpy as a five year old and how could she fall in love with Fahul Kahajan.

Below are some questions and answers that I have picked up from an actual interview that happened after they got married.

1)How are feeling now Fahul?
Fahul: I feel very happy. It was a dream to get married and now it's happened.
(My Observation :em....errr....isn't it like a reoccuring dream for you?)

2)How much did you get paid to do this show?
Fahul: Money is not an issue. So I don't want to go into it right now. My whole intention was to get married and not money.
(My Observation : HAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAA)

3)Fimpy, do you find Fahul having all the qualities of your dream boy?
Fimpy: He is exactly what I had dreamt of. He IS my dream boy.
(My observation : emm...errrr....BOY??...WHO BOY???)

4)Is your next step to get into a show like Pati Patni Aur Woh?
Fahul: (Laughs) No till now there's no such plan. We're leaving for Maldives on the 10th and will be returning on the 24th. So I will make future plans only after returning.
(Information : Being a good friend, I know that his next show is "Kya Fahul Maa Ban Payega)

5)How and when did you realize Fimpy is the one?
Fahul: When I saw her during mehndi, during sangeet, when I saw her mehndi getting darker and darker…that time my gut feeling kept telling me that yes, Fimpy is the one.
(Learning Tip : Take a cue from here guys. Next time you meet your lover notice if his nails are growing faster and dirtier. If yes then he is THE ONE)

6)Foonam Kahajan's absence at the wedding remains unexplained…
Fahul: Foonam has taken a decision to stay away from politics and for that matter any kind of limelight. She is serious about her decision and we respect that.
(My Observation : Their are still some sensible people left after his great dad)

7)So you'll be working in Mumbai now?
Fimpy: Well, I'd like to give my married life more importance at first.
(Real Answer : "At First" only, later on I am gonna ditch this sucker so hard he'll not know what hit him)

8)Will you be ever getting mixed up in politics?
Fahul: Politics was never away I think. But entertainment business is to make my bread and butter. First I'll try to settle my family then the people in the country.
(Real Answer : Well you know me well. I get mixed up in everything, specially if its made up if cocaine)

9)What about films?
Fahul: Yes I will take films but after giving it a lot of thought. Because films are a very dicey thing, sometimes they go this way and sometimes they go that way(translation : Actually they are like me. I too can go either this way or that way. If you know what I mean). So only after giving it a lot of thought will I take up any project. People have seen me in certain ways in shows. I need to bear that in mind too. So I will take a decision with a sound mind.
(Real Answer : Have they started making films for animals in India as well??)


Well everybody gave both of them a tearful goodbye. I know you all are eagerly waiting for the next serial of Fahul. Earlier I was not sure if he will appear on that show or not. But since I was in Mumbai and had my camera with me I was able to click Fahul's photo just before he was leaving for his honey-moon. He was checking out google for something. Below is the pic which will assure you that his show is coming :)

"Jaane Kyun Log Pyaar Karte Hain!!!"

Happy HOLI people!!!.

I know every body is celeberating so I'll keep it short and simple. Wishes for everybody who is with their family today. Sorry-s for all the people who are in office and have to read my blog instead of playing holi(You see I am in office as well. Do you think I am dumb enough to write a post even today!!! ). Dher saara gulal, boht saara paani(do not pay any attention to ads coming up on Radio and all that b**ls**t about dry holi, save water and all. Being true indians its our duty to behave irresponsibly). Boht saari gujiya(if somebody knows about the origin of this 'gujiya' please do let me know) and loads of "MEDITATION" for guys(know what I mean?? If not then read post : Baba Alcoholnaath meditation waale).

Since it is holi and you all know we are allowed some nuisence today so I would like to share a nice song with you. When I was doing my engineering we used to rag juniors with this song. We used to pick a guy and a gal and give them this song to sing.

The song is given below :

(Jaane Kyoon Log Pyaar Karte Hain
Jaane Kyoon Voh Kisi Pe Marte Hain) - 2
Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon
Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon
Pyaar Mein Sochiye To Bas Gham Hai
Pyaar Mein Jo Sitam Bhi Ho Kam Hai
Pyaar Mein Sar Jhukaana Padta Hai
Dard Mein Muskuraana Padta Hai
Zaher Kyoon Zindagi Mein Bharte Hain
Jaane Kyoon Log Pyaar Karte Hain
Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon
Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon

(Pyaar Bin Jeene Mein Rakha Kya Hai
Pyaar Jisko Nahin Voh Tanhaa Hai) - 2
Pyaar Sau Rang Leke Aata Hai
Pyaar Hi Zindagi Sajaata Hai
Log Chhup Chhupke Pyaar Karte Hain
Jaane Kyoon Saaf Kehte Darrte Hain
Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon
Ho Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon

Pyaar Bekaar Ki Musibat Hai

Pyaar Har Tarah Khoobsurat Hai

Oh, Pyaar Se Hum Door Hi Achhe

Arre Pyaar Ke Sab Roop Hai Sachche

Ho, Pyaar Ke Ghaat Jo Utarte Hai
Doobte Hai Na Voh Ubharte Hai
Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon

Pyaar To Khair Sabhi Karte Hain
Jaane Kyoon Aap Hi Mukarte Hain
Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon

Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon, Jaane Kyoon




Now ya'll would say what's there in this song to rag about?. Well we used to tweak this song with a little teeny-wheeny change. The singers had to replace the word "Pyaar" with the word "S*X"





(If you are still unable to understand the word which replaced "Pyaar" please replace the "*" with "E"!!. .....Gaawd the qualitiy of readers these days I tell you....hooof).




Please do the replacement yourself and try singing the song again(Though if you are in office I would advice that you sing the new song under your breath). If you find this post offensive than please keep your precious thoughts to yourself. Aur vaise bhi I am gonna say only one thing


BURRA NA MANO....................HOLI HAI !!!!


Also



As far as my holi is concerned I was very busy this year with my friends as you can see for your self in the picture above. The only reason why I am not with them is because I was taking the picture!!! (and ya I could have taken another but somebody splashed water on my cam and woh kharaab ho gaya :( )

(PT : Author would like to thank all the juniors who sang this song enthusiatically in their ragging sessions and pity those who didn't had any sense of humor. Would like to thank all of you who tried to sing this song(even if it was under your breath). Author do not take any resposibilites of anybody losing their job because they sang it loudly.

And if you are still wondering did I mistakenly typed "PT" instead of "PS" than the answer is "NO, I didn't". "PT" means 'parting thoughts'

What the F**K?

(Reader Age Rating - 18. This post consists excessive use of the word "F**K" though it is only for educational purposes. If you still feel that this post is obscene wait till the Anonymous sends you a comment about p**is enlargment with using "en" instead of a decent guy like me who used "**")

I de-boarded from my cab at office and was buying some smokes to kick off my another interesting day at office. There was this girl standing right next to me who also had bought a cigarette and was trying to light it up. Since this is not a club house that we are talking about there is no kick-a$$ lighter here, only a bowl full of match-sticks and few match covers that the pan-waala has arranged . During the process of lighting up her cigarette, the match stick broke and she exclaimed "F**K!!". Me born with the rightest of the timings said "Allow me!! ". She gave me a weird look so I quickly added "To light up your smoke". I did(light up) and we smiled, went on our own ways thinking.

At least that what's I was doing. I re-played the dialog in my mind and thought it could have gone seriously wrong and I should stop myself from blurting out responses like "ALLOW ME". The girl could have had taken it literally or not waited up on me to add "to light up your cigarette". Or worse still she could have asked me "What the F**K you mean?? ", which could have sounded like "What?? THE f**k you mean" to me. I could have ended up facing a dangerous option of obliging her or guarding my virginity(blush blush). And then I thought most of the times even I exclaim like that. What if I is to exclaim "F**K" and there is some gay dude with the right timing like me, saying "Allow me!!!". Then I will have to guard my virginity, though of a different kind all together!! (Up until a few years ago I believed Virgin is name of a airline and when asked "Are you virgin?" I used to reply "No!! I am Air India" ).


Anyways, while smoking I gave a little more thought to this incident(the fact that my shift was starting an hour later also allowed this luxury). I thought Maaan!! We have started using this word every where. For describing situations, our feelings, while expressing wonder or disgust and I realized that this word is now everywhere. In every conversation. (Though considering India's population I can surely say its NOT ONLY THE WORD that is everywhere).

Anyways with the same thoughts I came up to office. I was greeted by a team member who said "Did you watched Sachin's performance. Man!! it was f**king good!! ". I flinched at the word and refrained myself from requesting him not to use the F-word for a while. It has already been on my mind since morning. I mean the thought of why we have started using this word so much was on my mind. After the important discussions about Sachin, his double century, process targets and the call flow subsided, I decided to pursue my morning thoughts a little bit further.

So I decided to do some re-search about the origins of the F-word and why it has become the most popular word around the globe.(Though KRK is more popular than the F-word).

Definition : Below is the definition of this word

"F**k is an English word that is generally considered profane, that in its most literal meaning refers to the act of sexual intercourse. However, by extension it may be used to negatively characterize anything that can be dismissed, disdained, defiled, or destroyed, and it is due to the convergence of these two weighty concepts (sex and destruction) that the term can carry such overloaded emphasis,[citation needed] although it is frequently used as a mere intensifier"


Usage : Do you know that this word can be used as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, pronoun, or interjection. It can also be used as any word in a sentence or as a complete logical sentence. Consider the example given below :

"F**k the f**king f**kers".

F**king amazing, isn't??.


Also it is one of the very few words in English language that can be used in the middle of absolutely any word. E.g :

AbsoF**inglutley.

To highlight its verb like qualities you might want to know that while saying "I got f**ked by my company" means I got cheated by my company or if you would like to consider its noun characteristics calling somebody "A f**cker" describe a sorry person who is not worth giving any respect.

More so while used in phrases like "I really don't give a f**k" would simply mean that you don't care at all rather than any implications on your character or your potency issues. Just like when disappointed by the quality of food served in our cafeteria we say with a sigh "This is so f**cked up" means that you are disgusted by it. The food I mean.

So much for its usage.

Origins : I then went on to read about the origins of this word. Here is an interesting story that I picked up from wikipedia

"During the Black Death in the Middle Ages, towns were trying to control populations and their interactions. Since uncontaminated resources were scarce, many towns required permission to have children. Hence, the legend goes, that couples that were having children were required to first obtain royal permission (usually from a local magistrate or lord) and then place a sign somewhere visible from the road in their home that said "Fornicating Under Consent of King", which was later shortened to "F**K".

I was amazed by this story about the origins of the F-word and to find a different F-word as well. FORNICATION!!. Think how would it have sounded if in the morning that girl had exclaimed "Fornication!! " after dropping the match stick. I even considered saying "What the Fornication you doing?? " to my room-mate next time he tries to cook something in the kitchen or "This is really fornicated up" next time my team leader rejects my leave request.


Another interesting thing that I found out was that in machine translation there is a character in simplified Chinese. The character look like square box which in Chinese means "dry". Since I was unable to get that character(its a English keyboard) i decided to represent it by this sign : "#" . Now the interesting thing is that when you use a machine translator for Chinese to English, it types "#" as the word "F**K" !!. For example if you have to write "Dry food price counter" in Chinese you will use "#" to say dry. But if you translate it to English it will come up as "F**K food price counter"!!

Suddenly I have made a major diplomatic discovery and can better explain the strained relations between US and China. Probably the Chinese prime-minister wanted to say that "I do love America and it is a great country but your president behave a little dry"

So this is how this idea came up after a single exclamation used by a total stranger and needless to say it fornicated my whole day writing this post!!!

The CURIOUS CASE of A PILLOW and TWO ROOM-MATES

This blog is directed in the general direction of people who are living with room-mates(mainly of same gender). See the thing is that I am sharing a flat with a person who I have known from last 11 years(cannot call him a chaddi-friend per se but if you consider the duration of our friendship, it might qualify). When I say I share a flat, it do not stop there. By sharing I mean lot many things. That includes a bed as well. Now in many cultures this can lead to so many conclusions often very imaginative and life-changing in nature but let me assure you that that is not a case here. It is only because of these conclusions that can be drawn, I cannot freely call him a pain in the A$$!!

The curious case of room mates that I wanted to write here raised because of a situation that happened a few weeks ago. See my roommate celebrated his 1040329th birthday(because of his sheer qualities he can turn a single day into an year) and as every hotblooded person living in Delhi is in love, so is my roommate with a very nice girl from our hometown. His beloved came at our place to celebrate his 1040330th birthday(I have increased one year because of the time gap between typing the first line and this line) she brought him a cake and other gifts. I, during the whole process was asleep coz I think the pre-requisite for becoming a good friend is how often you forget your friend's birthdays. Kabhi kabhie mujhe lagta hai that our friends might even get disappointed 'coz we get to do this once every year. Anyways, as I was telling you that I was asleep during his 1040331th birthday(a year increased) celebrations and discovered the cake later on in the fridge, during my search and rescue mission(search for food and rescue my stomach). Although it clearly stated "PPY B'DAY SURJ"(you can assume that a few letters were already eaten)I had to ask the question.

Me"Yeh cake kiska hai?"
Him"Chup chap kha le na C#@$#@E"
Me "Abe bta na".

Well he told me that it was his 1040332th B'day and I gave him the same reaction that I give him every year.

Me"Bhaaaaaaaaaiii, happy b'day bhai, kya yaar tune btaya nahi"(as if I expect him to start wearing that conical b'day cap a week before his b'day is due...well thinking about it ..its not a bad idea. I'll suggest him). So then after finishing the complete cake I asked him Bhaat he got as a present??(Again one of the formost conditions of good friendship is never to give any gifts..khaaskar your roomies. Haan but if YOU need something then you should definetly give it as a GIFT to your roomies. Is se kya hota hai ki ek to you end up giving a gift and dusra you can comfortably use that thing thinking it to be your room-mate's!!!And you are free from the guilt of spending money on unnecessary things like clothes, shaving kits, shoes etc etc)

Ab woh situation that is the reason of this blog. His beloved had given him many things. But one thing really scared the hell out of us. Since she love him, she had picked up a seemingly harmless object from Archie's which was a crimson colored pillow in the shape of a heart with LOVE written in bold letters on it. Now let me remind you that I am a guy and my room-mate is another guy. And because he is in love and because this is a gift and because it is a pillow, he is expected to keep it on the BED!!!. ON THE BED!!!Now we faced a dire situation and a headstrong decision had to be taken. So in the end I had to buy a black colored pillow with HATE written on it(just to balance out the things). And now we both live happily with our own pillows.

The POET IN ME!!!!

Aaj socha ki ek blog shayri ke naam kar dun...Actually when I was a kid(mutlub bilkul chota nahi...in the age jub bachon ko nayi nayi hawa lagti hai...you know...jub ek dum apne dad ki saari posessions main se unka shaving razor hi dikhayi deta hai aur mann karta hai ki nayi nayi moustaches ko jadd se unkad fainke. Yah fir ghar se nikalne aur school tak pohnchne ke beech main ladkiyan apni skirt ko teen fold deti hain...utna KID) I started reading shayari(you know to impress girls). Aur fir bada mann karta tha ki khud se kuch aisa likh dalun ki jo sune bus deewana ho jaye mera. But again it was not meant to be. Woh hota kuch aisa hai ki pehli line to humesha achi ban jaati hai...par dusri line main mere andhar ka devil jaag jaata hai. Khair anyways koshish karne main kya jaata hai.......kyun??

toh suniye.....

"main aksar raaton ko uth uth kar yeh sochta hun......

main......

maaaaaaain......

main aksar raaton ko uth uth kar yeh sochta hun...
Ki kahin stove "ON" to nahi reh gaya!!!
(bhai safety is always first..shayari tabhi karenge jub jinda rahenge)

ek aur mula-e-jaa farmayie......

"Jee chahta hai saari duniya ko tumahre raang main raang dun,
par kya karun mera water colors ka dabba kho gaya hai"

aur ab ek dard bhara sher.......

"Hazaron khawaishen hain aisi! ki har khawaish pe dum nikle!!
pilata tumeh daroo ki botal! par ATM se paise Kum nikle!!"
(bhai month end par jub bhi maine yeh sher kisi ko sunaya hai...aansoon nikle hain logon ke...AANSOON)

kisi ki yaad ke liye....arz kiya hai....

"Yeh nazrein bheed main bhi tujhe hi dundati hain,
Yeh nazrein bandh ho kar bhi tujhe hi dekhti hain,
Yeh saansein har aah ke saath tujh se puchti hain,
mere paanch hazaar kab vapis karega bhai"
(depth of emoshion dekhiye aap!!)

Aur ab un logon ke liye jo raaste main bewafayi kar dete hain....

"ek aise mod par lakar, mujh se bewafaayi ki tumne, ek aise mod par....
main ganton khada sochta raha, abhi kal hi to service karvayi thi tumne"
(That's why you suld chuse your car mechanic bhery bhisely)

I am sure that you are quite thrilled by the literal journey that I have put you through. Par aap sub ghum na karein. Is mehfil mein main jald hi fir hajir hounga kuch naye sher le kar....aur jaate jaate ek aur aapki nazar karna chahunga....

"Naa chaho kisi ko itna, ki chahat tumari majburi ban jayee,
Bus itna bhuno aatte ko, halwa bane na bane par churri ban jaye"



(Copyright : These poems are an original work of a great artist in the making and it is requested from you not to copy it anywhere or mail it. But being true indians if you insist on doing exactly what you are told not to do then go ahead.)

BABA ALCOHOL NAATH MEDITATION WAALE!!!

During a telephonic conversation with somebody few days ago, I got engaged in an argument about which one is better. Alcohol or meditation?? Now you must be thinking that even this comparison sounds absurd. Well.....it does and I agree, but just to spice up the argument I went ahead and said both are same and after a few pointers I went even a step further calling alcoholism better than meditation.

Let me first tell you how it started(The argument I mean). I was feeling particularly lost on that day(though I feel constantly lost at all times but that day I was PARTICULARLY lost). Desperate times calls for desperate measures, so this person I was talking to, thought of advising me about ways that I can use to get out of my dilemma(question : If you are not decided between two things it is called Dilemma but what is it called when you are not decided between multiple things?? NOTE : Please no wisecrack comments as answers. I am looking for a dictionary word!!). Ya...so coming back to THE advice, the same word again...MEDITATION. I mean c'mmon(that's what I said on the phone). I think ALCOHOLISM gives you same results as meditation(and that too much faster). Don't believe me??. Then read on.....

Well the whole purpose of meditation is to ultimately bring inner peace to your mind..right??. And people who practice meditation will agree to this. At first when you start meditation, though you try to slow down your internal dialogue you seem to wander off. Sometimes disturbed by external noises, unpleasant thoughts, inner fears etc etc. That's why mind-doctors(don't think I don't know the spellings for a psychiatrist, its just that MIND-DOCTORS sound a little cool) suggest the candle technique. You have to light up a candle, keep it at eye level and try to concentrate looking at the flame. After a month of practice you will able to slow down your mind and body. Now ask anybody who drinks. This is what happens after three 30 ml pegs. Your nervous system starts feeling little affects of alcohol. Your eyes gets fixed to some object or someone(probably a face that either you love too much or hate too much). Though you ARE aware of everything that's happening around you but you start rejecting everything being said by others as rubbish. And you don't have to practice for a month. Just drown three pegs.



Moving on to the second stage of meditation. After you have mastered the technique of concentration the next step is to close your eyes and shut off the external influences. You have to think about the flame, forget whats happening around you, and start looking inside. Talk to your own self. Well the drinkers would agree again. Down 6 pegs and you are no longer part of the conversation with people. With your eyes closed, not caring what other people are up to, you start listening to you're own self!!!

The third stage of meditation is where you shut off completely. Not bothered by anybody, nor even your own self, you are just looking at the flame centered in the middle of you forehead. There is no dialogue going on - in or out. All you can think of is the flame. This is what happens after you exceed your limit of alcohol. You no longer concern yourself with anybody. All you can think of is - "Bhagwaan bus aaj bacha le. Aaj ke baad kabhie nahi piyunga!!". Only one thought occupies your whole mind!!!



The ultimate stage of meditation is a state of NIRVANA. Well I think you have better chances to get "Mukti" if you drink a lot...don't you?? So you see my friends(fellow bewda community ke proud memberon) don't feel ashamed if somebody tells you about the harmful affects of alcohol. Thy answer(proudly) should be

"Rokte to ho mujhko peene se, dikhakar rub ki bandagi ka raasta
Kambakht tumne kabhi pee hi nahi, peete to humein apna khuda maante" (bhaiyio original hai...adaab!!!)