'LOVE, SEX and DHOKHA" : A nation of Voyeurism

{DISCLAIMER : Author believes most of you have grown up in last few months to a certain level and will now have some broader sense of the world around you.}


Tell me honestly how many of you had guessed that there will be a post with this title on my blog???. People you must be thinking if I am going to write about "LOVE, SEX and DHOKHA" and I know it was never a matter of "IF" I am going to write about it. It was "WHEN" I am going to write about it. A mean a guy like me(you can stop smiling now) will not miss on a chance like this. With all my heart I had wanted to prove you all wrong this time by not writing about it. About the deadly trilogy of Love and sex and dokha. No, really I wanted to prove you all wrong. And it has been two weeks since this movie got released, watched, criticized, reviewed, re-reviewed by who-ever-who is really into movies or do not have a cellphone capable of playing mms-es(can anybody tell me the plural for MMS??) in 3gp format. Or if they have a cell-phone with this function they do not have right opportunities to indulge in this kind'ov entertainment.[Sigh]








I am not gonna bore you by ranting on like its another movie review and I vow not to take out the frustration on you. The frustration of spending 150 bucks on a movie, a movie which by the way had less sex than an average bollywood flick starring Mallika Sherawat[Honestly, they should have named it "DHOKHA" only]




To cut short on a long story let me tell you what this movie is about. The concept is known as VOYEURISM. The Dictionary meaning of the word is given below :



Voyeurism
voy·eur (voi-yûr)
n.
1. A person who derives sexual gratification from observing the naked bodies or sexual acts of others, especially from a secret vantage point.
2. An obsessive observer of sordid or sensational subjects.



Most of us can do the mistake of confusing PORN with VOYEURISM. But the main difference between the two is while in PORN the people involved have the exact idea of them being filmed by a camera, in VOYEURISM they don't. [Its like confusing Rajnikant with Mithun]




Earlier, I mean before the advent of cellphones and than later on with the addition of so called mega-pixels, this concept of voyeurism existed in a very simple form which even if not all of you but many of you know by the term : WINDOW-WATCHING.



For the benefit of those who do not know what window watching is, let me explain. A testosterone-driven-male who happens to chance upon some girl's affection will invite his friends to watch him go down with her, without her knowledge. This was done just to prove that he is ACTUALLY going around with that girl, and, and that he is capable of doing what he say he can.




[Note : Watching Surj### while he brushes his teeth in the washroom does not count as window-watching]






And so my dear friends, this little tool that we carry in our pockets[I am talking about the cell phone here] is the reason for taking something which was once a local thing to the level of an international brand[latest being Katrina Kaif's sister Isabella].




"MMS"



Now I am sure that all of you, like me, have watched almost all the MMS-es(see?? I really need the plural here.) that are doing the rounds from so many years(I was in 11th std when 'DPS Kaand' became public news) and I am not sure what you have done with them but here I would like to have a talk with the ladies.



What have you done about it????


hmmmmm.............



hmmmmm........


hmmmmmm.......



Exactly!!!! NOTHING.




So, again I rephrase the question and ask this : What CAN you do??



See, I have a point here that I want to make. The whole point why these mms(AAAAHHHH the plural. Guys do with the singular term here and think its plural) work is based on one simple fact. Its shows a girl and the face of the the guy is almost always not shown.

Now think logicaly. WHY??. Why do these guys do not show their faces while making those MMS[I have given up. I really wanted to use a plural here]. You know why??. Because realise this. In this world a guy stands to loose as much as you, if his face comes in that mms!!!



So here are some pointers which I think you can use


1] When you are going around with a guy, take his pictures while he is doing something like brushing his teeth, taking bath. Without his knowledge off course. You'll be amazed to see how playful guys can become in the lonliness of their washrooms. You make a video and release it on youtube.



2] Make a profile of him on Orkut, with all these photos, declare him a homosexual who is looking for others of his kind. Don't forget to mention his current phone number with a little discription in 'About me' that might go like : I like riding wild horses[Wink, Wink]


3] You can distribute his number among your friends and start making him run from one place to another. At first he won't mind but even a dog chases the car upto a certain point and then gives up.


This might not change anything at first but if you take an initiative, start collecting those emberrasing moments of guys on your cellphones, start releasing them on youtube, it might, it just might scare millions of other budding directors and actors who are sporting a cell phone and taking your girl out for dinner.




To the most important part :

You all must be wondering why I have put the photos of Namtiha(she is a south indian actress). Well to display a simple fact that 99% guys read this post just to find exactly what I have written about this girl and 100% girls read it to find out what I have written about this girl!!!!

And for the samples of what I am talking about, I am adding two more pics below. I am not sure how many guys out there can afford their video on the you tube while they are taking a bath, but it must have got you thinking ................right???

"BOO_S : Story of A Blank space"

Have you ever allowed your imagination to run wild?. No?. Well, I have. And to a certain extent I feel that's the only way for me to keep my own insanity intact in this insane world around me. And to tell you the truth I have worked really hard over the years to keep my insanity safe. I have invested hundreds of days thinking futile thoughts taking thousands of weeks forming perceptions based on millions of moments of experience. An when you'll read this line again you'll know that I have succeeded. A person who crashed his plane and died a few weeks ago wrote in his last letter - The defination of insanity is repeating the same action over and over and expecting the outcome to suddenly be different. Is it equally true if I say that the defination of insanity is performing different actions and expecting the outcome to always be same!!.

[OK...guess aaj ke liye funda jyada ho gaya. The above paragraph is written only to prove that if needed, the author can dish out serious thoughts and sometimes fool people into thinking that the author also thinks...sometimes(lol)]

I will tell you about the tittle but first I would like you all to go through a little exercise given below. The basis of this "Exericise" is a SMS that was sent to me by a friend. You might have also recieved the same SMS and even if you have and you know the answers, you can still read the below post.

First the exercise. Please fill in the BLANKS given below :

1)BOO_S
2)_ _ NDOM
3)F_ _ K
4)P_N_S
5)PU_S_
6)S_X

SO?

I am sure you came up with all 'THE' words without even realising that you are coming up with them. I know this happens but what I am interested in is this : WHY??

-Why did you thought BOO_S is what you thought they are and NOT BOOKS?

One version of answer given by Y###f, a dear friend was this. When I asked him why he thought of what he thought of and not books, he replied, "Well you will think of what you think of all the time at that time and for me that is definately NOT books". Had it been books he would not have been with me to give this absurd answer. Anyways, I am sure that all of us will come up with a answer like his. This is a very interesting thing to ponder over

I am sure almost all of you thought the Blog tittle is "BOOBS" and none of you, I can bet you that, thought it to be "BOOKS". I agree that people who know me, their thinking like this makes sense. But what about when you had recieved the SMS or when you had earlier read the list. And its really not about knowing beforehand that after you scroll down to find the answers they would look like this :

1)BOOKS
2)RANDOM
3)FORK
4)PANTS
5)PULSE
6)SIX

No, I know given some thought, we all would have filled up the blanks with these words like books, random etc etc but what about instinctively thinking about boo*s, condoms, fu*k etc etc.

Before going on further on this one, I would like to know about your thoughts.

Why do you think we instinctively think about these words first??

What the F**K?

(Reader Age Rating - 18. This post consists excessive use of the word "F**K" though it is only for educational purposes. If you still feel that this post is obscene wait till the Anonymous sends you a comment about p**is enlargment with using "en" instead of a decent guy like me who used "**")

I de-boarded from my cab at office and was buying some smokes to kick off my another interesting day at office. There was this girl standing right next to me who also had bought a cigarette and was trying to light it up. Since this is not a club house that we are talking about there is no kick-a$$ lighter here, only a bowl full of match-sticks and few match covers that the pan-waala has arranged . During the process of lighting up her cigarette, the match stick broke and she exclaimed "F**K!!". Me born with the rightest of the timings said "Allow me!! ". She gave me a weird look so I quickly added "To light up your smoke". I did(light up) and we smiled, went on our own ways thinking.

At least that what's I was doing. I re-played the dialog in my mind and thought it could have gone seriously wrong and I should stop myself from blurting out responses like "ALLOW ME". The girl could have had taken it literally or not waited up on me to add "to light up your cigarette". Or worse still she could have asked me "What the F**K you mean?? ", which could have sounded like "What?? THE f**k you mean" to me. I could have ended up facing a dangerous option of obliging her or guarding my virginity(blush blush). And then I thought most of the times even I exclaim like that. What if I is to exclaim "F**K" and there is some gay dude with the right timing like me, saying "Allow me!!!". Then I will have to guard my virginity, though of a different kind all together!! (Up until a few years ago I believed Virgin is name of a airline and when asked "Are you virgin?" I used to reply "No!! I am Air India" ).


Anyways, while smoking I gave a little more thought to this incident(the fact that my shift was starting an hour later also allowed this luxury). I thought Maaan!! We have started using this word every where. For describing situations, our feelings, while expressing wonder or disgust and I realized that this word is now everywhere. In every conversation. (Though considering India's population I can surely say its NOT ONLY THE WORD that is everywhere).

Anyways with the same thoughts I came up to office. I was greeted by a team member who said "Did you watched Sachin's performance. Man!! it was f**king good!! ". I flinched at the word and refrained myself from requesting him not to use the F-word for a while. It has already been on my mind since morning. I mean the thought of why we have started using this word so much was on my mind. After the important discussions about Sachin, his double century, process targets and the call flow subsided, I decided to pursue my morning thoughts a little bit further.

So I decided to do some re-search about the origins of the F-word and why it has become the most popular word around the globe.(Though KRK is more popular than the F-word).

Definition : Below is the definition of this word

"F**k is an English word that is generally considered profane, that in its most literal meaning refers to the act of sexual intercourse. However, by extension it may be used to negatively characterize anything that can be dismissed, disdained, defiled, or destroyed, and it is due to the convergence of these two weighty concepts (sex and destruction) that the term can carry such overloaded emphasis,[citation needed] although it is frequently used as a mere intensifier"


Usage : Do you know that this word can be used as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, pronoun, or interjection. It can also be used as any word in a sentence or as a complete logical sentence. Consider the example given below :

"F**k the f**king f**kers".

F**king amazing, isn't??.


Also it is one of the very few words in English language that can be used in the middle of absolutely any word. E.g :

AbsoF**inglutley.

To highlight its verb like qualities you might want to know that while saying "I got f**ked by my company" means I got cheated by my company or if you would like to consider its noun characteristics calling somebody "A f**cker" describe a sorry person who is not worth giving any respect.

More so while used in phrases like "I really don't give a f**k" would simply mean that you don't care at all rather than any implications on your character or your potency issues. Just like when disappointed by the quality of food served in our cafeteria we say with a sigh "This is so f**cked up" means that you are disgusted by it. The food I mean.

So much for its usage.

Origins : I then went on to read about the origins of this word. Here is an interesting story that I picked up from wikipedia

"During the Black Death in the Middle Ages, towns were trying to control populations and their interactions. Since uncontaminated resources were scarce, many towns required permission to have children. Hence, the legend goes, that couples that were having children were required to first obtain royal permission (usually from a local magistrate or lord) and then place a sign somewhere visible from the road in their home that said "Fornicating Under Consent of King", which was later shortened to "F**K".

I was amazed by this story about the origins of the F-word and to find a different F-word as well. FORNICATION!!. Think how would it have sounded if in the morning that girl had exclaimed "Fornication!! " after dropping the match stick. I even considered saying "What the Fornication you doing?? " to my room-mate next time he tries to cook something in the kitchen or "This is really fornicated up" next time my team leader rejects my leave request.


Another interesting thing that I found out was that in machine translation there is a character in simplified Chinese. The character look like square box which in Chinese means "dry". Since I was unable to get that character(its a English keyboard) i decided to represent it by this sign : "#" . Now the interesting thing is that when you use a machine translator for Chinese to English, it types "#" as the word "F**K" !!. For example if you have to write "Dry food price counter" in Chinese you will use "#" to say dry. But if you translate it to English it will come up as "F**K food price counter"!!

Suddenly I have made a major diplomatic discovery and can better explain the strained relations between US and China. Probably the Chinese prime-minister wanted to say that "I do love America and it is a great country but your president behave a little dry"

So this is how this idea came up after a single exclamation used by a total stranger and needless to say it fornicated my whole day writing this post!!!